The Promise Ring

I remember, like it was yesterday, the conversation Aaron and I had about rings - you know, the kind women wear on their left ring fingers.   It was a fun and playful conversation but in all seriousness, I appreciated that he wanted my input knowing it would be something I’d wear all the time and he wanted me to be happy with his selection. 

I told him I would be happy with anything he picked out and I truly meant it.  But, in order to ensure that he hit a home run, I made one important suggestion.  I told him the ring would have to fit comfortably under my leather motorcycle gloves.  He just stared at me with a puzzled look on his face.  

So, I proceeded to tell him that my mesh gloves fit loosely but my winter leather gloves are very snug.  He nodded his head letting me know that he was with me so far.   I went on to say that I’d want to wear the ring he gave me all the time and that a band or simple low profile ring would be my preference over a diamond ring with a taller profile.   He nodded his head again in agreement and that was the end of that conversation.

Most girls dream of large, sparkly diamonds on their finger.  But, I’m not like most girls.  I just wanted to wear my ring comfortably while I ride my bike.  

On February 15th, he presented me with a beautiful, low profile ring that did in fact fit comfortably under my leather gloves! We knew it was perhaps too early in our relationship to be officially engaged so we dubbed the ring a  “Promise Ring”. We got a lot of teasing from our friends who asked if we were 17 years old.  But, I’m such a romantic at heart that I rather loved the idea of a promise ring.  It was endearing and heartwarming.

And, I loved being promised to each other.  I loved that he promised to love me forever and by accepting the ring I promised the same love to him in return.   It felt like a true bond to be cherished and not to be broken.

I have worn my ring every single day since February 15th.  And, I have worn it every day since Aaron passed away.  I don’t wear it when I sleep but I place it on my finger first thing in the morning and don’t take it off until I crawl into bed at night.   

Some mornings it’s tough to put on, though.

Sometimes it just feels like a lie.

I find myself staring at the ring and thinking of the meaning it held and I can’t help but feel like he broke his promise.  

He said he’d love me forever.   He always told me he wanted to hold my hand in Heaven.

There are times when I’ve wanted to rip this ring off my finger and throw it out my truck window on the freeway to ensure that even if I wanted to go back and find it, I couldn’t.   I’ve wanted to do the same during RZR rides in the tall pines as we rounded a corner and off to my right was a steep cliff with a creek at the bottom.  Maybe I should just toss it into the creek and let the water take it to where ever it flows. 

I resisted those moments and I’m grateful I did.  I believe I would be filled with such regret if I didn’t still have my ring.    

Because, while I can’t see or touch him, I know he still loves me and that one day we’ll hold hands in heaven.

Sometimes promises don't always look the way we expected them to. Sometimes they are tangible and you can see them and hold them.  Others live in our hearts.  And, in that way, they live forever.